I have been waiting for an appropriate moment to write this post. I wouldn't say Monday lunch is the best time, but I am sitting to eat anyway and my tablet happens to be here. I suppose there isn't a better time than now. Oh gosh old friend, I almost need to hold back the tears as I try to verbalize in words the months of dissatisfaction I have experienced in my current job and the disappointment I have experienced looking for a new one.
I am going to make a bold statement and then completely contradict myself. I dislike always complaining about my work. I really hate my work. I know it is unproductive to complain day in and day out about my frustrations with our management, their lack of direction and strategy, their inability to support me, and a company, that frankly is just bottom line unorganized. I decided, just barely past the one year mark, that I could no longer thrive in such an organization - in fact, it was draining me of all my energy, my motivation and my happiness. So, nine months ago I took matters into my own hands and worked diligently to create new job prospects for myself. I started with the usual LinkedIn, Workopolis, Monster.ca, every recruitment boutique that specialized in healthcare sales and essentially flew my banner as hard as I could. The results were promising. I attained six interviews within this period. I made it quite far in the interview process, and in most cases, was a final candidate for the position. I know you're wondering, what is the problem? That's great! It's tough to get interviews! The final candidate! Wow - they must really like you out there! The problem, dear friend, is that I didn't land any of the positions! Not one. The response was always: "You're great, but there was someone with experience in this area", "We wished we had two positions", "I am not sure of your commitment to sales" - ok, that last one I made up. However, I am pretty sure that the HR that interviewed me at one pharma company definitely had her mind made up that sales was not my true calling. Honestly, after all this, I am not sure it is.
I started my Canadian Securities Course recently and although I enjoy reading about the stock market and how business is conducted in that industry - I don't know if working in it is what I want either. I looking for something that is fulfilling. I am looking for a job where I feel valued and not just some lackey or coffee fetcher. I want a job where I use my mind and challenge my skill to solve problems and creative new ideas. Am I an ungrateful millennial that is just never satisfied? I tend not to think so, but I wonder, how many of us are out there that would just jump on the first offer because we need change and are afraid that it may never come again. I have never in my life felt so lost with "what I want to do when I grow up". I thought I had that all figured out, but then when plan A failed, my plan B wasn't well-developed and left me in a bit of a tailspin - looking for a job that was reputable, paid well and in healthcare - just never thought that I would be a fucking sales rep. I don't want to give up hope that I will find something fulfilling whether it be in this space or not. However, I am not convinced that I am doing even near what I was meant to do. Perhaps, that is an acknowledgement that my objectives are skewed. I am thinking I need to evaluate what my top priorities are from my job. Is it money? Or is it job satisfaction and meaningful work? Who am I even asking right now.....
Till next time.
