Hello old friend.....it has been a long time since I have written here. I suppose the last two years were less than inspiring to be able to put words to the page. This year has been full of introspection, and keeping in the theme, I did a short review of all my data tracking sources for 2016 - The Five Minute Journal, Google Calendar, and this blog. Although, I never wrote in you this past year....it was refreshing to read about how I was feeling/thinking over the past three years. Certainly, that counts for something, no?
What did I learn? Let me see...well, I know I was a self-loathing, depressed fuck for a while. Anxious, sad, lost. I know this sounds cliché and a tad nauseating for those that felt like I did in 2013 but I feel light, full of light and shining. My energy is warm and bright and there is no doubt I am in love. How is this different from before? Very. I am in love, but I am not wearing any type of blinder, glass or filter. My vision is clear....my mind is clear....my outlook real. It is incredible. I can foresee a future with a person that I adore, who not completes me, but energizes me, inspires me, and makes me be my best person. Is this what it means to find that person? I think about it often friend.....I look into her eyes and they are the only eyes that I wish to look at when I fall asleep at night and wake in the morning. Surely, she is not like anyone else.
So - does love make everything OK? Well, one thing I have learned in my past 32 years friend is that love and compatibility comes with being who you truly are and having your partner's support, encouragement and trust. Love can make everything "OK" so to speak but the truth is, a relationship is fostered when both people come to that relationship with all the kinks worked out. It's not easy to build a solid foundation when you are aren't committed to giving yourself fully and completely to another with no expectations. I know myself better now that I have in the past 32 years....I feel like I am learning everyday and I am happy I with someone who is always seeking and learning and adventuring too. This is the spice of life friend, this is what makes the mundane routine bearable. This is what drives us....life is long and I never want to stop being my best person. I am grateful that I can share my best person now with this girl.....and maybe, if she feels like I do, take a step with me into something more.
I cannot believe its 2017....this truly feels like the beginning of a new chapter. I cannot say why I am so hopeful, why I am so at ease with things, but I am ready for the change. I embrace the change, the love, the wind whirl, the adventure, the movement, the beauty, the difficulty, the striving, the motivation, the perseverance, the humble becoming, the people, the music, this life. I am alive again, I feel the music....I feel it in my soul, my teenage angsty soul......thank you. Be well old friend. Talk again soon.
